I Wanna Babysit Lola! By Remé A. Grefalda
Remy Cabacungan as Lola, the Grandmother
Leoncarlo Canlas as Toby, the Boy
THE STAGE PLAY
Scene 1: Large one-date tear-away calendar visible to audience.
(Scene opens on a living room. A sofa on stage right faces stage left. An old woman is snoring away asleep. Blocking the center is a recliner la-z-boy type chair, with its back to the audience. The occupant is not visible. Neither is the TV but for the sound of voices and commercial. Sofa and recliner is positioned so that they both face the TV at an angle. Recliner is rocking.
When the snoring stops, the TV sound switches to a soap opera, and old lady sits up. When the snoring begins, TV sound is on a cartoon. Switching of programs happens twice, with the old lady looking sleepily suspicious at occupant in recliner. She is on to something. Occupant stands up and a young boy of 11 goes to the wings. Old lady gets up, goes to lazy-boy and picks up hides the TV remote control and hides it. SOUND: Toilet flushing. Old lady returns to her sleeping position and resumes her fake snoring. Boy reappears. Looks at snorer and the TV screen and automatically reaches for TV remote control; looks under the recliner, backtracks to the wings, comes back puzzled and pissed off. Recreates his movements before he left to go to the bathroom. On his way to the wings, he abruptly backtracks and looks at the old woman. Goes towards the TV and manually changes the channel. Old woman sits up startled (How did he do that?)
(sputtering) Wha-- Wha-- Wha' happened?
(Points to cartoon on screen)
Lola, I need to see the ending of this.
(pointing to TV screen) But his wife is going to walk in on them! Swish it back to--
Where's the remote?
(Feigns surprise and looks around) You! ( Points to him with her chin).
Where's the remote?
Yeah, and when I came back, it's gone!
(looking at him) Maybe. you flushed it down the toilet! ( giggles)
(Phone rings. Boy runs to answer a portable phone and walks away from old woman to stage left. As he does, old woman gets up, pulls out the remote and switches the channel as the voice of the announcer signals the end of her show. Disgusted, she turns off the TV. She walks back to her sofa, and stares at the blank screen. Then finds her comfort zone and promptly goes back to snoring.)
Whispers desperately)Ma, it's hard to make her follow me. She talks back. Yeah... Yeah... (In normal tone)Would you, please! A quarter-pound with cheese. Thanks, Ma. Fench-fies, too, please.
Hi, Ma! Yeah, I did. Spagetti-ohs. Uh-huh. She didn't want to. Spagetti-ohs. She likes that too. I told her it was too salty for her. (
(Old woman sits up at the sound of "fench-fies")
(Immediately calls out.) Me too. Large.
Yeah, she wants one too. Large.
-And strawberry milkshake. Large. Please...
(To old woman)Isn't that bad for you, Lola?
You hear that, Ma. A berryshake for her. Isn't that bad for her?
Of course not! I think it's bad for you!
(Turns to old woman) Lola, the doctor said milk's bad for you.
(argues right back)Dr. Poblete did not say that.
Uh...uh... he said- he said milk . . . makes me fart!
You know what milkshake is gonna do?! You're gonna stink up the whole room!
(Whips out spray can from under sofa pillows)That's why we have this. this BUK-WET (bouquet) spray. All you have to do is (holds up can and starts spraying)And the room will smell of mmmm ... mmmm ...
(covers himself with a cushion to avoid e the spray. Television suddenly goes on. He turns and catches her with the remote control)You ... You ... you had it all this time!!! Lola, it's MY turn. Your soap's over! (Old woman hands it over agreeably, then changes her mind and tucks it under her blouse.)Lola. Give it to me!
Stop that! Stop!
Say please, first.
(walks away when she refuses to hand over remote)I don't like living with you.
Please. Not fair, Lola. We had a deal.
(Runs gleefully after him with remote and puts it in his hand)I like living with you-ooh hoo-hoo ...
(Phone rings. Old woman and boy grab for it. She's ahead of him)
It's for me!
(picks up phone and talks on the wrong end)Hallo! Hallo! There's no one! (Boy turns the phone around)HALLLOOO!! I'm not shouting. Why are YOU shouting? (to the boy)See, it's for me! ( to the mouthpiece) Junior, what time are you coming? (Watches boy warily as he turns on the TV and flops on sofa. Starts whispering.)I want to go home. Yes, he's okay, but he won't let me watch my soap opera when I'm asleep. He's so nervous, he makes me nervous. (pause)Spaghetti-Ohs. I prefer Spaghetti-ohs. (pause as she listens)I'll be ready. Can't you come after? But I'll miss Vanna White! (reluctant and submissive) Oh, all right. ( To boy)Junior wants to talk with you!
No. It's for me!
(Both meet half way. She gestures a trade for the remote. He hands it to her and she hands him the phone. He watches her as she switches channels)
(Starts whispering)She doesn't know how to live by the rules, Unka Ben. We had a deal. She's not fair at all, Unka Ben. You gotta talk with her. I try. But she won't listen. Six Thirty? Okay, I'll get her ready. You will?? Can I borrow the other CD too? Thanks, Unka Ben. Yeah, I'll try....
Hi, Unka Ben! Yeah ... yeah ... She does! But she's asleep when I do it.
(Buzzer sounds several times.)
Fire alarm! Fire Alarm! Hurry!
(Starts grabbing things, drags along her paraphernalia, as boy watches her going back and forth. Goes to TV) What are you standing there for? Let's carry the TV down!
We have to go down!
Lola, that's the Lobby buzzer. It's Ma's signal that she can't find a parking space and I have to pick up the food.
(Buzzer rings again. Boy throws on a jacket and heads for the wings)
There's no fire? You sure? Where you going?
I'm going down to get the food. Fench-fies, remember?
(Calls out to him)Don't touch my fench-fies! (Starts heading back to sofa and putting away stuff she carted. Boy re-enters carrying a bag of McDonald's and hands old woman a large shake and large french fries. They eat silently. She steals from his stack of fries whenever he's not looking and slurps noisily on her glass of milkshake) .
Not so loud, Lola.
Okay...okay... Can I have one more fench fie?
Just one, okay. You're not supposed to eat that stuff.
Why? YOU eat that stuff.
It's bad for you. What time is it? I gotta bring you down soon. Tito Ben will be here in 20 minutes.
No. I want to watch Vanna White first.
(She runs from him and they play tag . When he catches her, he "dresses" her with her sweater, hat and scarf. Runs to bathroom, comes back with a small towel and wipes her hands and her mouth. BLACKOUT. MUSIC)
Give me that remote, Lola!