the pinay speaks of rivers
By Anna Li Sian

I’ve known rivers:
I’ve known rivers of memory that drip drop
drip drop like the music of my childhood
water flows through me in the form of ancient icons of hip hop
like the Fugees and MJ
I have bathed in the sounds of famous voices
echoing off of a tired, rusty radio
doing the eight-year old “running man” through static
like it’s part of the effect because music
sends messages to my spine and bends it into crooked lines

I’ve seen rivers
that move swiftly like my slender fingers, nimble hands
gracing the baby grand piano delicately
as if it was the new pair of Nike’s I was scared to crease
          rivers of inspiration and introspection
whose currents travel from my head to my pen
the drip drop of ink as it takes the form of my soul
and captures life like tadpoles
in written words on looseleaf

I’ve known rivers
more ancient than the long misplaced smiles
          replaced by lines of age on faces of fathers,
these traces of trauma each emulate the Nile
all the while, the drip drop drip drip continues
like rain on rice plantations
where weary men bend and break their backs in the sun
in order to feed their young
men like these fill up Filipino family trees like Autumn leaves
that each has his time to fall

I swam in the Yellow River
until it dyed my skin as a reminder
at times I carry this color like a cross
rather than advertising it proudly on highway billboards
I am neither dark asphalt nor white lines of paint
I dance in the middle as the yellow-dotted misfit
but yellow does not define me
          I am defined by a double set of historical players
not only JFK and Uncle Sam but also Jose Rizal and Carlos Bulosan
          I am defined by the drip drip swooshhh
of crimson rivers, tinted by the blazing blood
of hundreds of thousands of life-givers, my ancestors
          I am defined by ripe mangoes, unbearable heat and indigenous drumbeats

I’ve known rivers
I’ve known rivers more beautiful than a mother’s heart
          warmer than Jasmine tea, fuller than the lips that whisper
stories of my past late at night
while I curl up like an insect
her sunken eyes like shipwrecks
          tears drip drip
drip drop…trickles of salty water baptize my body.

I’ve known rivers
Passionate, powerful rivers that carry pieces of my life on their shoulders
and will soon pass through me when I get older
       onto my unborn children and theirs
my heart has grown full like the rivers.

© Anna Li Sian