I lie awake
body aching for sleep
my mind wanders
to far off places.

fear seeps in.

thoughts ...
of never seeing the horizon again
of not having the wind brush your face
nor the sun sear your skin
and of perhaps not ever loving again.

no,
not possible ... it couldn't be!
but then again yes.
the what ifs and whys
form an endless stream of doubts

that the pleasures that were
may never again be.

oh, that the sun might seduce me
the men likewise
the disco lights titillate my senses
love engulf me

i love you, sun
i love you, sky
i want you to the core of my being
so much that i hurt
you am i
i am you

not now, not yet.

what happened to all the time?
need I ask why?
the barbed wires hold the answer
but more so
fatigue outfits
of a species that refuses to be human
their mocking smiles
more telling than their guns

wake up
be strong
all hope is not lost
because you may yet touch those trees
savor the wind
wallow in love

because tomorrow you may be free.

maybe.

(Reprinted with author's permission from FIRE TREE: Prison Poems from the Philippines (Lines of Darius Printing, USA 1985)

© Doris Nuval Baffrey