You're It
By Nikki Palmer

I stared out the window of the car. The sky was gray and depressing like the nursing home. It was a crisp Christmas morning. Mom said seeing Lola on a regular basis was a great way to start off the new year. I disagreed. How could she expect me to want to spend time in that place? The fact that I have to spend more time with Lola was bad enough, but the part about the nursing home is horrible. I mean the place smells like a public bathroom, and the old people there are so weird.

Lola shook her head to Mom, signaling she doesn’t remember. Lola has Alzheimer’s disease, which takes away her memory. It makes Mom sad when she can’t remember, especially when she can’t remember me.

Mom pulled the car into a parking spot of the nursing home. She looked at me out of the corner of her eyes. The don’t start something look.

“Please...” Mom sighed in exhaustion. “Please try not to look so disgusted with the nursing home or the people there,” she warned me with a harsh tone, the tone that told me not to back talk her. I nodded in understanding and walked towards the building.

“Hi Mama. Merry Christmas,” Mom said as she kissed Lola on her forehead.

“Maria, say hello to your lola,” Mom commanded.

“Hi Lola... Merry Christmas,” I mumbled softly. Lola sat up in her bed and looked at me with a lost expression. She turned her head over to Mom with a smile.

“Hi Lydia, darling, how was school?” Lola questioned Mom as if she were still a little schoolgirl. “Who is that? Is that one of your girlfriends?” Lola asked, referring to me.

“No Mama, that’s Maria, your granddaughter. You remember Maria?“ Mom asked sadly. “Mama, I don’t go to school anymore, remember?” Mom looked into Lola's eyes. They are a dull gray now, but at one time her eyes were as dark as the night. Mom says I have Lola’s eyes. Lola shook her head to Mom, signaling she doesn’t remember. Lola has Alzheimer’s disease, which takes away her memory. It makes Mom sad when she can’t remember, especially when she can’t remember me.

I couldn’t take it anymore so I told Mom I was getting a soda from the vending machine. I walked out of Lola’s room, and almost immediately that horrible stench greeted my nose. I walked down the hallway stepping one foot in front of the other, on top of the caramel colored tiles. I put 50 cents into the slot in the vending machine and pressed the MR.PIBB button. I had to hold the button in awhile and my thumb was becoming sore. I grabbed my drink and tapped the top before opening it. I thought someone was watching me, but no one was behind me so I kept on walking. I sipped my drink, and I heard shoes on the tile floor behind me. I turned around, again to find no one. This time when I turned around towards Lola’s room, a large man with thinning white hair stood in my path. He wouldn’t move out of my way so I went around him. He pushed my shoulder with his index finger, and shouted “Tag, you’re it!” He ran around me with his hands up in the air screaming, “You can’t catch me. You can’t catch me!” With splayed fingers, my hands covered my face, hiding my startled grin.

Through the nurses yells and Harry’s “I didn’t do anything bad, it’s not fair,” the hallway became quite comical. The nurses were treating this old man like he was six years old. And he was acting it.

“Harry! Harry! Leave that poor girl alone!” Yelled a nurse running out from behind the desk. Several nurses peeped their heads out of the residents’ rooms and came running out screaming Harry’s name. Through the nurses yells and Harry’s “I didn’t do anything bad, it’s not fair,” the hallway became quite comical. The nurses were treating this old man like he was six years old. And he was acting it.

I heard my mom’s voice looking for me over the commotion.

"Maria, Maria.. There you are. C’mon, let’s go,” her eyes found me and she motioned for me to hurry.

I walked by Harry and he said, “You’re it,” in a very immature little boy way. I giggled for it was extremely funny to see this grown man act like a little child.

Mom handed me my coat and she waved to Harry, “Merry Christmas Harry.” He waved goodbye to Mom then yelled,”Bye Maria.”

“Bye Harry,” I said with an unsure smile.

"You’re still it Maria,” Harry said playfully. I just waved and continued for the door.

In the car Mom told me she had signed me up for volunteer hours at the nursing home. I was appalled at this. “ Mom how can I be stuck in there for the rest of winter break?” She smiled at me and stroked my hair.

“You haven’t started your volunteer hours yet, and I think getting them over and done with early is a good idea. Hey, you’ll even get to see Lola more!” Mom said, hoping I would do my volunteer service without too much fuss. I stared at the floor of the car, refusing to show any tone towards Mom.

“Look sweetie, Lola is losing her memory. And you are well aware that her memory of you, is um...,” she looked at me for a brief second then threw her eyes back out on the road.

“Nonexistent,” I muttered. I thought it was only me who realized Lola had no clue on who I was. Apparently not.

“Oh baby, her memory is just blocked. She still loves you as much as she did before she got sick. But the fact that she rarely sees you isn’t helping her remember who you are. Please volunteer there.. For Lola.” Mom’s voice trailed off. It’s hard for her to cope with the fact that her own mother can barely remember her granddaughter, let alone her daughter.

“Fine! But don’t expect Lola to remember me any better.” She smiled at me and gave me a kiss on the cheek.” Mom! watch the road,” I said in playful disgust, as I wiped my cheek.

“Do I start volunteering today?” I asked, hoping Mom would say no. I swung my feet back and forth as I waited for an answer.

“Hey, you might even get to play tag with that old man. What was his name?” Mom laughed.

“Harry.” I giggled as I remembered him dancing around me.

I stirred my spoon in my sticky mess of a breakfast. I would have much preferred yesterday’s Christmas brunch. “Do I start volunteering today?” I asked, hoping Mom would say no. I swung my feet back and forth as I waited for an answer.

“Yea. Yes, you start this morning. I have some errands to do so I am hoping to get you there at around 9:00 this morning.” I stared at her, disapointed. “Well, finish up your breakfast then go get dressed.” I put my spoon down then dragged my lazy body up to take a shower.

We sat in the car waiting for the light to turn green. “Say hi to Lola before you finish work today.” Mom instructed. “Wow, we made it right on time, it is 8:56,” she said as we pulled up in front of the building.

“I’ll pick you up at around 2:00 this afternoon.”

“Bye Mom!” I tried to sound enthused for her benefit. I opened the door of the car and slowly walked to the building.

“Have fun, Maria!” Mom yelled back. Ha, fun? The closest thing to fun I’ll have today is hanging out with Harry.

I approached the nurse at the front desk. “Hi, I am doing volunteer service today.”

“Name please...,” She asked me, without bothering to look up from her sticky bun. I licked my lips in hunger. The breakfast I ate this morning was more suited for the pigs than me! I giggled at the thought of this, though mom would be very upset. She thinks she can actually cook. “Name?” The nurse asked again, losing patience.

“Sorry, Maria Deleon. My mom signed me up yesterday.” I said with an early morning yawn.

“All right Maria, all you have to do today is keep the resident you are assigned to occupied. Let’s see here...” the nurse ran her fingers down a list of names.” Here you are. You are assigned to Harry Richards, and he is in room 16. It’s straight down that hallway. He’ll be on your right.” This time the nurse looked up from the papers on her desk and her sticky bun, and over the rim of her glasses.

"...Please Lola, remember.” I tried my hardest to make her remember but she just stared at me, confused and wondering. “Bye Lola.” Frustrated, I got up and ran to Harry’s room.

"Thanks, bye,” I said, happy that I was assigned to someone who didn’t drool. At least I didn’t think he did. I headed towards Lola’s room before I went to see Harry. “Hi Lola, it is Maria.”

“Hi Lydia, how are you?” Lola asked me, thinking I was my mother.

“No Lola, it is Maria. Mom, or Lydia rather, is not here. Lola please tell me you remember me.. Please Lola, remember.” I tried my hardest to make her remember but she just stared at me, confused and wondering. “Bye Lola.” Frustrated, I got up and ran to Harry’s room.

Harry was stooped over watching some court show on t.v. I tapped him on the shoulder and whispered “You’re it.” He turned around with a foolishly happy grin.

“Hi Maria!” Harry shouted with the excitement of a little child.

“How are you, Harry?” I asked as bubbly as I could possibly act.

“Hungry, let’s go to the cafeteria.” He answered, holding his stomach.

After lunch Harry asked who my grandmother was. I told him Rosario Lim, and that she didn’t remember me. Reluctantly I followed Harry to Lola’s room. “We’ll make her remember you.” Harry said with a promising tone.

“Hi Rosi, it’s Harry.”

“Oh, hi Harry, is it already time for Wheel of Fortune ?”

“No Rosi, I just brought a little friend to say hello.” Harry motioned to me.

“ Lydia! Hi sweet heart, home from school already? Lola asked, thinking I was my mom again.

“No, Lola, I am your granddaughter.” I murmured annoyed. “Can we go?” I asked Harry in a hushed tone.

Over the next few days Harry and I spent a lot of time together. I learnt about his wife and daughter, who died in complications of his daughter’s birth. When Harry and I were in the cafeteria one day, a nurse whispered to me, “Harry never remarried and he became lonely. Lonely to the point of being crazy. A few of his old neighbors put him in the nursing home on his 70th birthday. Oh he has his moments where he thinks he is some famous actor, or when he thinks he is a little kid still, but deep down there is the nicest person anyone could ever meet.” I smiled at her and looked at Harry. He didn’t look so crazy.

“Your grandma loves you very much, but she can’t connect your face with the love she feels deep down.” Harry looked at me with big green eyes, sharp as crystal.

“Harry, do you know what tomorrow is?” I asked smiling.

“The day I get my Golden Globe award!” He sighed and he looked away, lost in his little dream world.

“What?! No, Harry, tomorrow is New Year’s eve!” I looked at him laughing.

“I was kidding” Harry smiled and gave me a glance out of the corner of his eyes. “I know tomorrow is New Year’s Eve. Do you want to visit your grandma?”

“What is the point, she doesn’t even know me anymore.”

“Your grandma loves you very much, but she can’t connect your face with the love she feels deep down.” Harry looked at me with big green eyes, sharp as crystal.

“Harry how would you know this?” I asked refusing to look at him, to keep from tearing up.

“Your grandma and I are great friends.We watch Bob Barker a lot. Sometimes we just sit together and talk. Rosi talks about a girl she loved many years ago, but doesn’t remember who it is anymore. She says she was a little girl and Rosi used to love making cookies with her.” I smiled at Harry but inside I was crying. I was crying because that little girl was me. Oh how I used to love making cookies with her.

Harry and I walked into Lola’s room. I smiled at her and asked,“Lola, do you want to make cookies?” She looked at me with a flummoxed expression. I gave her a hug. “Lydia,” she whispered to me. I shook my head no.

“M-Ma..” She had tears rolling down her face.

“Why are you crying Lola? What is it?” I asked holding her hand.

“I am sorry, I just can’t..can’t remember.” She stammered. I put my arms around her in a tight hug. Tears slowly tickled my cheek.

“Maria, Lola it’s Maria.” Lola smiled at me, and for the first time since she got sick, she gave me a kiss on my forehead.

As I walked Harry back to his room I wanted to thank him. I wanted to thank him for being my angel, thank him for giving me my grandma back. I couldn’t find the courage to thank him so I replaced my thank you with a hug.

“I’ll be back tomorrow, on New Years Eve!” I said surprised with how fast the year flew by me.

“Bye Maria!” He whispered, breathing heavily.

“Harry are you all right?” I asked helping him to his seat.

But I also felt an urgency tugging at me. I dressed hurriedly, skipping breakfast. Anxiously, I went to the nursing home.

“Yes I am fine.” He smiled cheerfully. ”Remember Maria, you’re it! You are it!” He laughed.

I woke up early in the morning on New Years Eve. The sky was a beautiful blue, and inside the smells of winter, burning wood and fresh pine, permeated the air. But I also felt an urgency tugging at me. I dressed hurriedly, skipping breakfast. Anxiously, I went to the nursing home.

I ran in to Harry's room. His bed was made neatly, with a small duffel bag sitting on the white sheets. “Harry, Harry!” I called. But he didn’t respond. Maybe he is moving rooms. Or maybe he is visiting Lola. He may even be eating breakfast in the cafeteria. I ran to the nurse at the front desk.

“Hi, can you please call Harry Richards over the intercom?” I asked, excited to find my new friend.

“Oh, are you Maria Deleon?” The nurse asked quietly.

“Yea, I’ve been volunteering here for the past week.”

“Yes,yes I know. Maria, I have some bad news. I am afraid Harry expired.”

“What!? Expired?” I asked preparing myself for what I thought she was trying to convey to me.

“Died, last night.” The nurse said sadly. “He had been living here sometime now.. 27 years.” I clasped my hands to my mouth in shock. “Here, he wanted you to have this,” she handed me a yellow card. In it was a picture of a cookie and in big black letters it read: You’re it Maria! “I guess he made it last night, before he passed on,” the nurse said. Tears rolled down my face. I kissed the card, and put it in the inside pocket of my coat.

I walked to Lola’s room glumly, then turned for the vending machine. “Hi Lola, it’s Maria.” I said, hoping she would remember from yesterday.

“Ma-ri-a.” She said struggling to remember. Smiling, I gave her the cookie that I bought from the vending machine. She hugged me and kissed me sloppily on the forehead. Harry’s words played back in my mind. “Your grandma loves you very much, but she can’t connect your face with the love she feels for you deep down.” I hugged Lola, then I heard her say something remarkable.

“I love you Maria,” she slowly murmured with recognition in her eyes. Joy graced her face in the form of tears.

“I love you too, Lola,” I whispered, crying also.

She made the connection. And I did too. If I want her to know who I am, then it’s up to me to help her remember who we were together. Harry was right, I’m it.

© Nikki Palmer

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